Posts tagged ‘work place’

Self Deprecation is more fun in step format

Things have just gotten out of control in the life of me. By out of control I mean falling off ferris wheel outta control.

It’s my house work piling up around my school work which is piling up around my work work which is always fun. I won’t lie.

In fact, I have a really difficult job. Really difficult.

I thought it would be an interesting venture to write the steps so that ya’ll can get a glimpse into my crazy work life. Be prepared to be amazed.

Steps to do My Job.

Problem Solving/Customer Service

Step 1: Make Coffee.
Step 2: Be nice
Step 3: Wait for a problem
Step 4: Listen to client’s problem
Step 5: Be nice to client even when they aren’t nice.
Step 6: Mention that you understand. (Bonus points if you actually mean it)
Step 7: Hang up phone. Explain problem to necessary someone with authority to do something.
Step 8: Call client explain resolution of problem. Apologize for inconvenience caused to the client.
Step 9: Make coffee
Step 10: Drink Coffee
Step 11: Be Nice
Step 12: Wait for problem
Step 13: Listen to client’s problem
Step 14: Be nice to client even when they aren’t nice.
Step 15: Mention that you understand.
Step 16: Hang up phone. Explain problem to necessary someone with authority to do something.
Step 17: Call client explain resolution of problem. Apologize for inconvenience caused to the client.
Step 18: Make coffee and repeat

Sales

Step 1: Make Coffee.
Step 2: Be nice
Step 3: Answer phone when it rings.
Step 4: Listen to client.
Step 5: Be nice to client even when they aren’t nice.
Step 6: Chat to the client like they are important
Step 7: Think up stuff to tell them
Step 8: Continue thinking
Step 9: Stop what you are doing to multitask (all while chatting up client)
Step 10: Drink Coffee
Step 11: Continue being nice
Step 12: Wait until a solution dawns on you
Step 13: Get excited
Step 14: Share with client the solution
Step 15: Explain up to 10 000 proposals
Step 16: Hang up phone. Explain problem to someone with authority to sign off on an idea.
Step 17: Make Coffee
Step 18: Rake in the Dough

As you can see, in just a few short steps, you can put me outta a job.

I’m just your friendly neighborhood job giver-a-way-er.

Take it or leave it.

August 13, 2009 at 2:58 pm 3 comments

Becoming a Nobody

This poem was written specifically for my portfolio I had to submit in order to be selected into a creative writing class at University…

Becoming a Nobody

Close those eyes and bite

A bit harder

Indifference creeping

Hands violent pressing

…silent aching

Arch an eyebrow

Smile, baby, smile

Clatter of dishes falling

Backing away

Concealed

Whatthefuck girl,

Table 12 needs to order.’

Bumble and fumble

Starry-gazed and lying

Light a smoke and lose yourself

In the ashes.

July 10, 2008 at 7:19 am Leave a comment