Posts tagged ‘The presence of wrinkles made me rethink life’

Holding Grudges

I have a few people I wish to inveterate in fiction. Those people that I can expound on every blackhead, fat roll and brown mole.

Them with their stubborn elitism with distinguished ignorance.

Those who use words which stand for hate. And disrespect.

and hypocrisy.

She, who would read my words and think it were her sister. Or mother perhaps.

But would never think it were her.

Oh sweet! How sweet would it be to tear them apart for their soulful hatred of one.

one.


The one who would inveterate them in fiction.

and laugh as she mocked her own family

as she mocked me.

November 6, 2009 at 5:11 am 2 comments

When it comes down to it…

Friendship, companionship and love are the reasons I wake up in the morning.

October 4, 2009 at 9:09 am 4 comments

Funny Crap Hubs Says Version 3.1

*** I interuppt regular programming to once again apologise for bing such a baaad blogger. I have some time allotted to catch up both this blog and on your blogs. Promise. Remember forgiveness sets the heart free.***

Hubs and I are sitting on the couch watching Fall Out Boy LIVE.

I’ve always loved this band purely for the joy in their rock and the lack of seriousness in their lyrics. Hubs is not convinced.



Me: *mid defense about why FOB can’t actually suck as much as he thinks they do* I like the band- except that Pete Wentz bass guy. He’s annoying. And Stoned. Stoned people just aren’t as awesome as sober people.

Hubs: Yeah, I think the guitarists and the drummer can form their old band. They can call it “One Boy Falls Out”



One Boy Falls Oout. What do you think Mr. Drummer and Mr. Guitarists?

Catchy, No?

October 3, 2009 at 4:23 am 2 comments

It’s funnier to be mean.

I am not a nice person.

So, it’s a very good thing that I am hilarious.

Use some of these the next time you wanna channel little ole me in an arguement with your little brother (or husband). I’m not sayin’ they’ll be insulted *unless it were the truth* but they will probably can themselves and forget that you bumped their car on the lampost…

Rude Insults
1. You have the face like a Saint – a Saint Bernard.

2. If I ever need a brain transplant, I’d choose yours because I’d want a brain that had never been used.

3. You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now I see that you are just the opposite – you are obnoxious and arrogant.

4. Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.

5. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

6. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

7. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

8. You have an inferiority complex – and it’s fully justified.

9. Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It’ll only take 10 seconds.

And Number 10: A Personal Favourite

10. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.

*Note: If you are kicked in the (girl) balls after saying any one of those insults… it was not my idea and you should go cry to your mommy and not me.*

August 30, 2009 at 8:02 pm 4 comments

Self Deprecation is more fun in step format

Things have just gotten out of control in the life of me. By out of control I mean falling off ferris wheel outta control.

It’s my house work piling up around my school work which is piling up around my work work which is always fun. I won’t lie.

In fact, I have a really difficult job. Really difficult.

I thought it would be an interesting venture to write the steps so that ya’ll can get a glimpse into my crazy work life. Be prepared to be amazed.

Steps to do My Job.

Problem Solving/Customer Service

Step 1: Make Coffee.
Step 2: Be nice
Step 3: Wait for a problem
Step 4: Listen to client’s problem
Step 5: Be nice to client even when they aren’t nice.
Step 6: Mention that you understand. (Bonus points if you actually mean it)
Step 7: Hang up phone. Explain problem to necessary someone with authority to do something.
Step 8: Call client explain resolution of problem. Apologize for inconvenience caused to the client.
Step 9: Make coffee
Step 10: Drink Coffee
Step 11: Be Nice
Step 12: Wait for problem
Step 13: Listen to client’s problem
Step 14: Be nice to client even when they aren’t nice.
Step 15: Mention that you understand.
Step 16: Hang up phone. Explain problem to necessary someone with authority to do something.
Step 17: Call client explain resolution of problem. Apologize for inconvenience caused to the client.
Step 18: Make coffee and repeat

Sales

Step 1: Make Coffee.
Step 2: Be nice
Step 3: Answer phone when it rings.
Step 4: Listen to client.
Step 5: Be nice to client even when they aren’t nice.
Step 6: Chat to the client like they are important
Step 7: Think up stuff to tell them
Step 8: Continue thinking
Step 9: Stop what you are doing to multitask (all while chatting up client)
Step 10: Drink Coffee
Step 11: Continue being nice
Step 12: Wait until a solution dawns on you
Step 13: Get excited
Step 14: Share with client the solution
Step 15: Explain up to 10 000 proposals
Step 16: Hang up phone. Explain problem to someone with authority to sign off on an idea.
Step 17: Make Coffee
Step 18: Rake in the Dough

As you can see, in just a few short steps, you can put me outta a job.

I’m just your friendly neighborhood job giver-a-way-er.

Take it or leave it.

August 13, 2009 at 2:58 pm 3 comments

Listy-bisty-bobisty-banana fana- fo-fisty

Lists are easy to read. and this makes them fun.

My Extraordinary List of Awesome things:

1. Johnny Depp in the Libertine.



I watched this movie for the fifth thousandth time. Each time I am moved by it.

What is truly enjoying life? At what expense? This movie is rad. (in a oh my word I can never ever show this to anyone- kind of way)

2. Finding The World According to Garp.



I thought it was stolen. But alas, it has been redeemed from the confines of under-my-bed-opolis.

3. Sleep.

’nuff said.

4. Hubs.

He’s really awesome. Even when I lose my temper and yell at him. *blush*

List of Not Awesome Things

1. Spilling bleach on all my black winter clothes.

Stuff you bleach! grr…

2. My University is being retarded.

Stuff you University!

3. Clients.

Anyone who works with the direct public can say this all together:

“stuff you clients!”

4. The Striking Magical fairy that cleans my flat.

Stuff you mag…i…ca.. oh wait. That’s me. I can’t possibly stuff myself. Unless it’s with *copious* amounts of food. And when I do that I get all chubby around my face and that is just so NOT sexy. So no stuffing of ones self here.

(I probably don’t want to know the google results on that one)


Things I am waiting for:


1. Summer time

2. Summer time

3. Partying in the Summer time

4. Warmth and not coldness. (Just FYI: it was -4 this morning when I went to work *shocker*)

This concludes the post where by I sing a gay little song and write random stuff in a list format for you to read and judge me on.

The End.

July 28, 2009 at 7:51 pm 12 comments

One sentence to explain my thoughts. Ok maybe two.

There is more to living than being alive…

Oh and Hubs is awesome because he opened my bottle of wine WITHOUT a bottle opener. I love Fridays.

To being undead.

*clink*

July 24, 2009 at 4:07 pm 2 comments

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