Posts tagged ‘I worry about random things’

Holding Grudges

I have a few people I wish to inveterate in fiction. Those people that I can expound on every blackhead, fat roll and brown mole.

Them with their stubborn elitism with distinguished ignorance.

Those who use words which stand for hate. And disrespect.

and hypocrisy.

She, who would read my words and think it were her sister. Or mother perhaps.

But would never think it were her.

Oh sweet! How sweet would it be to tear them apart for their soulful hatred of one.

one.


The one who would inveterate them in fiction.

and laugh as she mocked her own family

as she mocked me.

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November 6, 2009 at 5:11 am 2 comments

While I was away

Things I did while I wasn’t coming up with interesting things to entertain you:

1. Worked.

2. Did some laundry

3.
… Hey wait. Wasn’t I cool at some stage? I am sure I was.

A few weekends back (hey how long was I gone!) I had my bestie Pookie over. She house crashed for the weekend and we stayed up drinking tea (aka wine) and discussed politics (aka boys). It was so nice to be one of the girls.

In fact, as we went shopping (I KNOW!) we came across scrapbooking goodies for R5. R5 is like less than one US dollar. Booyah, Momma went crazy. And by momma I totally meant the me that is anti being a momma.

I am a girl. I like men. I thing I am pretty good at being a girl…

But then… after we gloated about how much money we saved….

she asked me to join her in the loo.

What.

The.

George Carmicheal

Is.

That.

About?!?!

I followed her. Stood by the sink, pretending not to hear her tinkle and looked at my fat smarmy face.

Why would a woman want to have a friend in the potty with her? To share lipgloss? (ew). Style tips? (no thank you) Or to request a tampon should things have strayed for the worse?

To hell if I know.

On the epic list of things that I don’t get?

Numbero Uno: The potty buddy- because peeing alone is too dangerous. Or something.

September 15, 2009 at 7:11 pm 3 comments

Hair Lopping

I cut 3 inches of hair to celebrate spring. and then the springtime went away. Cruel? Yes. Typical? Probably.

Anyway, I promised a picture. Here you go:
P1040102

I know what you are thinking. “Hey what? This chick’s making a funny face!”

Yes, because as I am taking this photo I suddenly realise that I have no make-up on. Which leads me to think “Blog FAIL”. Which lead me to think of this picture:

You are welcome

You are welcome



so this is me trying not to laugh.

August 28, 2009 at 3:05 pm 5 comments

Self Deprecation is more fun in step format

Things have just gotten out of control in the life of me. By out of control I mean falling off ferris wheel outta control.

It’s my house work piling up around my school work which is piling up around my work work which is always fun. I won’t lie.

In fact, I have a really difficult job. Really difficult.

I thought it would be an interesting venture to write the steps so that ya’ll can get a glimpse into my crazy work life. Be prepared to be amazed.

Steps to do My Job.

Problem Solving/Customer Service

Step 1: Make Coffee.
Step 2: Be nice
Step 3: Wait for a problem
Step 4: Listen to client’s problem
Step 5: Be nice to client even when they aren’t nice.
Step 6: Mention that you understand. (Bonus points if you actually mean it)
Step 7: Hang up phone. Explain problem to necessary someone with authority to do something.
Step 8: Call client explain resolution of problem. Apologize for inconvenience caused to the client.
Step 9: Make coffee
Step 10: Drink Coffee
Step 11: Be Nice
Step 12: Wait for problem
Step 13: Listen to client’s problem
Step 14: Be nice to client even when they aren’t nice.
Step 15: Mention that you understand.
Step 16: Hang up phone. Explain problem to necessary someone with authority to do something.
Step 17: Call client explain resolution of problem. Apologize for inconvenience caused to the client.
Step 18: Make coffee and repeat

Sales

Step 1: Make Coffee.
Step 2: Be nice
Step 3: Answer phone when it rings.
Step 4: Listen to client.
Step 5: Be nice to client even when they aren’t nice.
Step 6: Chat to the client like they are important
Step 7: Think up stuff to tell them
Step 8: Continue thinking
Step 9: Stop what you are doing to multitask (all while chatting up client)
Step 10: Drink Coffee
Step 11: Continue being nice
Step 12: Wait until a solution dawns on you
Step 13: Get excited
Step 14: Share with client the solution
Step 15: Explain up to 10 000 proposals
Step 16: Hang up phone. Explain problem to someone with authority to sign off on an idea.
Step 17: Make Coffee
Step 18: Rake in the Dough

As you can see, in just a few short steps, you can put me outta a job.

I’m just your friendly neighborhood job giver-a-way-er.

Take it or leave it.

August 13, 2009 at 2:58 pm 3 comments

Hubs is da man.

Hubs and I have the world’s creepiestmost random conversations.


I asked him how he would function with a wife like Megan Fox.

She was deemed the world’s sexiest woman of 2009. (after a quick google search I understand why- the Woman doesn’t understand the idea of clothes very well). Anyhoozles, Hubs is da man. He didn’t know who she was!

‘Who is Megan Fox?’ were his exact words.

I was shocked. All I could muster up was:

Good answer, my love, good answer.

The End.

August 4, 2009 at 5:39 pm 6 comments

Listy-bisty-bobisty-banana fana- fo-fisty

Lists are easy to read. and this makes them fun.

My Extraordinary List of Awesome things:

1. Johnny Depp in the Libertine.



I watched this movie for the fifth thousandth time. Each time I am moved by it.

What is truly enjoying life? At what expense? This movie is rad. (in a oh my word I can never ever show this to anyone- kind of way)

2. Finding The World According to Garp.



I thought it was stolen. But alas, it has been redeemed from the confines of under-my-bed-opolis.

3. Sleep.

’nuff said.

4. Hubs.

He’s really awesome. Even when I lose my temper and yell at him. *blush*

List of Not Awesome Things

1. Spilling bleach on all my black winter clothes.

Stuff you bleach! grr…

2. My University is being retarded.

Stuff you University!

3. Clients.

Anyone who works with the direct public can say this all together:

“stuff you clients!”

4. The Striking Magical fairy that cleans my flat.

Stuff you mag…i…ca.. oh wait. That’s me. I can’t possibly stuff myself. Unless it’s with *copious* amounts of food. And when I do that I get all chubby around my face and that is just so NOT sexy. So no stuffing of ones self here.

(I probably don’t want to know the google results on that one)


Things I am waiting for:


1. Summer time

2. Summer time

3. Partying in the Summer time

4. Warmth and not coldness. (Just FYI: it was -4 this morning when I went to work *shocker*)

This concludes the post where by I sing a gay little song and write random stuff in a list format for you to read and judge me on.

The End.

July 28, 2009 at 7:51 pm 12 comments

Scrap…book…ing.

My mother is really into scrapbooking.

She does an extraordinary job making the most beautiful pages.

I= N00b.

She’s been harrassing persuading me to join her for ages now. I have an album I ‘did’ when I was a kid. It’s nothing but a mash of cut up pictures and sappy poems I thought were meaningful. It’s truly awful- nay- borderline shameful.

But, I love creating with her. It’s always more fun to get inspiration and use her pretty stamps and fancy buttons. Plus, mom time is always fab. Read: *I adore my mother*

Trouble is, I get such creative blocks! The paper and goodies used to create a scrapbook page are so beautiful and hold so much potential, I sit there and stare at them until I freak myself out so much that I can’t even imagine…RIPPING… TEARING…. DESTROYING…these things to attempt creating something okay looking.

Pathetic? Yes.

Neurotic? Probably.

The makings of a great scrapbooker? No.

I told her I’d try. So this weekend I’ll be trying for real.

Oh I’m gettting the shhhakes.

thoughts?

July 27, 2009 at 3:06 pm 8 comments

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