Posts tagged ‘Homesickness’

Word Vomit (without a point…)

I don’t make friends easily.

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I am not a nice person. I won’t thrill you with my wit or fabulous knowledge of Gucci.

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I, more than likely, will have no stories to tell you about adventure or lust or betrayal.

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I will probably scare the bejeebies out of you with my morbidity and over all dorkiness.

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Because I am a dork.

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And sometimes that scares me.

July 23, 2009 at 7:42 pm 4 comments

Home.

time is a cruel thing.

the days that i wish would go faster, crawl behind me.

the days i wish to slow down, zoom ahead.

evenually im left with only a handful of memories of people ill forget.

“I wish I were with you, I couldn’t stay…Every direction leads me away.
Pray for tomorrow, but for today…All I want is to be home.

Stand in the mirror, you look the same. Just looking for shelter, from the cold and the pain.
Someone to cover, safe from the rain. All I want is to be home

Echoes and silence, patience and grace. All of these moments I’ll never replace
The Fear of my heart is th absence of faith. All I want is to be home

People I’ve loved, I have no regrets. Some I remember, some I forget.
Some of them living, some of them dead. All I want is to be home.” -Home Foo Fighters

it s time for me to go home.

July 22, 2009 at 6:16 pm 5 comments

Love List



I am really loving love lately. All the different types of love, all the varying sickingly sweet tastes and the hot burns of love.

In fact, I had been reading through one of my old journal entries in which I list over 150 things that I loved when I was 18. I have always been in love with love.

Here is the shortened version of my list that I wrote 20 June 2006 the year I was 18 and Matriculated from High School.


Here are some of the things I listed:

I Love…
* I love eating watermelon on a hot day
* I love the way the fan always is a little louder than the voices in my head.
* I love the way my backyard looks around sunset
* I love waking up first in this house to watch the sunrise at the breakfast table
* I love the feeling of sand between my toes and the pressure of the waves against my body
* I love fooling around during class time
* I love a crackling fire
* I love actually knowing someone’s name
* I love those funny leaves with wasp eggs inside
* I love the people who sit alone- those are the people who truly see the world
* I love the memories of home
* I love the feeling of rain on my skin
* I love standing really close to the speakers
* I love how my Mom asks if she looks good before going out with my Dad
* I love feeling like I belong
* I love getting dressed up
* I love beauty
* I love dancing
* I love weddings and the promise inside them
* I love order in the chaotic
* I love the smell of my Dad
* I love my grandma’s rocking chair.
* I love the thought of being good enough.
* I love my family
* I love loving.
* I love love

It was so interesting reading the things I deemed worthy of love. I still adore the things I mentioned, most of the people I mentioned, and all the emotions I mentioned. It revealed my growth, my joy and even my sorrow. Sure, my list now would involve more grown-up things, like snuggling, a dinner not prepared by my own hands, the warmth of my husband and having a true friend. But why spoil my innocent list with such grown up experiences? Why spoil the promise of tomorrow with the truth of today?

Why stop loving love?

I would love to hear a list of the things you as an 18 year old love. You can post it on a comment or pingback! 🙂

July 12, 2009 at 12:54 pm 3 comments

*Untitled* because I can’t think of one.

I didn’t realise how isolated I would feel once I got married. My single friends humour me as I discuss another night of getting home from work late and cooking dinner before passing out on the couch. I humour them as they discuss the life I used to live, but can no longer relate to. My married friends discuss the future of babies and I bore them with my plans to travel my youth away.

The voices in my head discuss old memories to each other. Remember this? I hear. But today, I don’t want to remember. Yesterday I didn’t want to remember. Grieving the loss of friendships and the old path I travelled, wasn’t part of the plan four months ago when I got married. This wasn’t something I thought would happen. I thought the excitement of the things to come would far outway the things that already came.

Some days it does.

This field-day my emotions are having is completely linked to the seeming lack of girlfriends to galavant with. Hubs helps as much as he can (even taking me shopping. For NO REASON! *go Hubs*. But sometimes a girl’s gotta find some girlfriends to giggle with.

I never thought I’d say that.

Ever.

June 23, 2009 at 10:58 am 8 comments

I wish I could dump all these words

onto a slip of paper.

To hide them away from my heart.

As much as I want to remember, I want to forget.

June 22, 2009 at 9:50 am 4 comments

I post twice in one day when I get angry…

I like having criminals in government.

No wait. I don’t.

But over 67% of South Africans sure do.

What bothers me about this…

No one else seems bothered.

Why aren’t South Africans as angry as I am?

15 years of ANC rule has left SA with broken promises, crime and corruption. Will Zuma spare the country from another 5 years of detriment? Doubt it.

This is bullshit and no one gives a damn. Get angry. I have a US passport. I can leave when I choose. Not everyone can. And it seems as if thinking South Africans have just rolled over. Maybe they don’t care.

Maybe it’s not my fight. Maybe I shouldn’t care either. Maybe I should just leave.

And maybe, just maybe I will.

April 24, 2009 at 10:47 am 4 comments

Yesterday I learned

1. I am no good at HTML

2. My side bar is too cluttered.

3. Being eight years old is the best age in the world.

4. Kindred spirits often have differences about really important things.

5. Sometimes I get really frustrated with those I love the most.

6. Men are really confusing.

7. Mac and Cheese was meant to be eaten with ribs.

8. Eating too much Mac&ribs make a really sore tummy when topped off with birthday cake.

9. At times, I am interested in nothing but sleeping.

and

10. I am not a ninja and should really stop trying to high kick the door frame. or Hubs’ face.

April 21, 2009 at 7:11 am 8 comments

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