Posts tagged ‘Growing up’

Scrap…book…ing.

My mother is really into scrapbooking.

She does an extraordinary job making the most beautiful pages.

I= N00b.

She’s been harrassing persuading me to join her for ages now. I have an album I ‘did’ when I was a kid. It’s nothing but a mash of cut up pictures and sappy poems I thought were meaningful. It’s truly awful- nay- borderline shameful.

But, I love creating with her. It’s always more fun to get inspiration and use her pretty stamps and fancy buttons. Plus, mom time is always fab. Read: *I adore my mother*

Trouble is, I get such creative blocks! The paper and goodies used to create a scrapbook page are so beautiful and hold so much potential, I sit there and stare at them until I freak myself out so much that I can’t even imagine…RIPPING… TEARING…. DESTROYING…these things to attempt creating something okay looking.

Pathetic? Yes.

Neurotic? Probably.

The makings of a great scrapbooker? No.

I told her I’d try. So this weekend I’ll be trying for real.

Oh I’m gettting the shhhakes.

thoughts?

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July 27, 2009 at 3:06 pm 8 comments

Word Vomit (without a point…)

I don’t make friends easily.

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I am not a nice person. I won’t thrill you with my wit or fabulous knowledge of Gucci.

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I, more than likely, will have no stories to tell you about adventure or lust or betrayal.

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I will probably scare the bejeebies out of you with my morbidity and over all dorkiness.

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Because I am a dork.

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And sometimes that scares me.

July 23, 2009 at 7:42 pm 4 comments

Home.

time is a cruel thing.

the days that i wish would go faster, crawl behind me.

the days i wish to slow down, zoom ahead.

evenually im left with only a handful of memories of people ill forget.

“I wish I were with you, I couldn’t stay…Every direction leads me away.
Pray for tomorrow, but for today…All I want is to be home.

Stand in the mirror, you look the same. Just looking for shelter, from the cold and the pain.
Someone to cover, safe from the rain. All I want is to be home

Echoes and silence, patience and grace. All of these moments I’ll never replace
The Fear of my heart is th absence of faith. All I want is to be home

People I’ve loved, I have no regrets. Some I remember, some I forget.
Some of them living, some of them dead. All I want is to be home.” -Home Foo Fighters

it s time for me to go home.

July 22, 2009 at 6:16 pm 5 comments

Keyword Monday Already! Posted on Sunday night. Yes I am that cool.

Have you ever typed in the term ‘interesting crap’ and actually found something interesting?

Me neither.

It’s time once again for another addition of ‘interesting crap people type into to Google to find my Blog” (version 1 here)

My abso favs.

ipostnaked- Cause clothes are restricting on the creative impetus.

you need to stop drinking cartoon – It’s the right way to get Dad in Rehab.

coloring break the window – Bummer.

point system sex – Is… not what I talk about here. Thanks

thin is beautiful – I blame the media

easy to draw unicorns – Human unicorns might look like this:



sometimes im freaked out of my self – This can become very incovenient.

i love my boyfriend poems – Go somewhere else. Unless you wish to seek Dorothy Parker. And if that’s the case get off your gold digging ass and do something eh!

michael jackson in johnny deep- Um. Like saving ryans privates?

why do i feel like randomly touching things? – Pathetic much?

peeps bath – Right on.

wrinkles near my ears- Oh no! I have wrinkles on my forehead. Classic signs of aging. Facelift anyone?

surgery facebook status update- On google? You look for a Facebook update on google. You’re a smart one!

And about 10 Thousand versions of Michael Jackson’s nose.

It’s the truth.

And I didn’t even share the pornstar ones. Because my sister in law’s family all know I have a blog and who knows? One day they might just read this. And I need them to think highly of me and Hubs… and all.

It’s what’s important.

July 19, 2009 at 7:15 pm 5 comments

Love List



I am really loving love lately. All the different types of love, all the varying sickingly sweet tastes and the hot burns of love.

In fact, I had been reading through one of my old journal entries in which I list over 150 things that I loved when I was 18. I have always been in love with love.

Here is the shortened version of my list that I wrote 20 June 2006 the year I was 18 and Matriculated from High School.


Here are some of the things I listed:

I Love…
* I love eating watermelon on a hot day
* I love the way the fan always is a little louder than the voices in my head.
* I love the way my backyard looks around sunset
* I love waking up first in this house to watch the sunrise at the breakfast table
* I love the feeling of sand between my toes and the pressure of the waves against my body
* I love fooling around during class time
* I love a crackling fire
* I love actually knowing someone’s name
* I love those funny leaves with wasp eggs inside
* I love the people who sit alone- those are the people who truly see the world
* I love the memories of home
* I love the feeling of rain on my skin
* I love standing really close to the speakers
* I love how my Mom asks if she looks good before going out with my Dad
* I love feeling like I belong
* I love getting dressed up
* I love beauty
* I love dancing
* I love weddings and the promise inside them
* I love order in the chaotic
* I love the smell of my Dad
* I love my grandma’s rocking chair.
* I love the thought of being good enough.
* I love my family
* I love loving.
* I love love

It was so interesting reading the things I deemed worthy of love. I still adore the things I mentioned, most of the people I mentioned, and all the emotions I mentioned. It revealed my growth, my joy and even my sorrow. Sure, my list now would involve more grown-up things, like snuggling, a dinner not prepared by my own hands, the warmth of my husband and having a true friend. But why spoil my innocent list with such grown up experiences? Why spoil the promise of tomorrow with the truth of today?

Why stop loving love?

I would love to hear a list of the things you as an 18 year old love. You can post it on a comment or pingback! 🙂

July 12, 2009 at 12:54 pm 3 comments

Waiting Schmaiting – 20SB style.

“This post is a part of 20SB’s Looking Back Blog Carnival, and Ben & Jerry’s is awarding free ice cream to lucky bloggers and readers!” (I was totally told to say that. But Ice cream is on the line and thus I will reduce myself to copycatting. So there.)

All I’ve gotta to in order to stand a chance is re-post a post from the first two months of my blog.

Believe it or not, I’ve been blogging off and on for almost three years. The posts at the begining weren’t really meant for reading. I had typed them purely as a way to express the mish mash of things that were happening. It wasn’t so much a reflection of my personal journey but an explination of the things I knew in a time period where I knew very little.

This post was written during a time period of waiting. I had just started dating Hubs and things were going exceedingly well for a serial heartbreaker like myself and I had just quit my job at the cocktail place and was awaiting a new opportunity. In addition, my application to Uni was held up by red tape and my life ambitions were doing that strange pre-shatter waver. I didn’t know much. But this is what I did know:

Instant Gratification August 30th 2007

This morning on my way for my morning cup of coffee I noticed an open box of Lindt chocolate. I have never been one to pass up an unattended open box of chocolates- so I took a tiny little sliver of this seemingly decadent rich chocolate and popped it in my watering mouth. To my surprise my expectant taste buds were met not with a smooth sensual ‘party in the mouth’ but a powdery, thick, chalky and overall disgusting sensation of pure unsweetened cocoa. Since it dissolved so quickly, I had to experience this feeling of dirt crammed down my oesophagus. I marched into the room of the owner of the chocolate and demanded an explanation…

I like my chocolate to be instantaneously gratifying. I don’t care about the health benefits of that disgusting chocolate, nor does it matter that its what all those skinny people in France enjoy. No, I want to shove it into my mouth and have it taste good now.

I never liked Target stores for one reason. When you wanted to return an item, the customer care system involved taking a number. I HATE TAKING NUMBERS! I would rather stand in a line and wait with the others in full view of how much longer I have. Maybe its the logic of the insane, but since I can see the woman with her cart stuffed with things to return and the man with only a blender to take back, I can somehow prepare myself for the wait. But if you tell me to take a number and to take a seat I somehow can’t tell how long I must wait. I can’t nudge the slowpoke to take the next teller. I must just be patient.

Telling me to be patient rips my insides like vulture ripping open its prey. It hurts. Because I am working on it. I try breathing. I try focusing on something else. I try to practice my ’stop him with a single glance’ smile. But I like instant gratification too much if I am perfectly honest and so I’ll lose the patience I once claimed…

June 29, 2009 at 10:38 am Leave a comment

*Untitled* because I can’t think of one.

I didn’t realise how isolated I would feel once I got married. My single friends humour me as I discuss another night of getting home from work late and cooking dinner before passing out on the couch. I humour them as they discuss the life I used to live, but can no longer relate to. My married friends discuss the future of babies and I bore them with my plans to travel my youth away.

The voices in my head discuss old memories to each other. Remember this? I hear. But today, I don’t want to remember. Yesterday I didn’t want to remember. Grieving the loss of friendships and the old path I travelled, wasn’t part of the plan four months ago when I got married. This wasn’t something I thought would happen. I thought the excitement of the things to come would far outway the things that already came.

Some days it does.

This field-day my emotions are having is completely linked to the seeming lack of girlfriends to galavant with. Hubs helps as much as he can (even taking me shopping. For NO REASON! *go Hubs*. But sometimes a girl’s gotta find some girlfriends to giggle with.

I never thought I’d say that.

Ever.

June 23, 2009 at 10:58 am 8 comments

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