Waiting Schmaiting – 20SB style.

June 29, 2009 at 10:38 am Leave a comment


“This post is a part of 20SB’s Looking Back Blog Carnival, and Ben & Jerry’s is awarding free ice cream to lucky bloggers and readers!” (I was totally told to say that. But Ice cream is on the line and thus I will reduce myself to copycatting. So there.)

All I’ve gotta to in order to stand a chance is re-post a post from the first two months of my blog.

Believe it or not, I’ve been blogging off and on for almost three years. The posts at the begining weren’t really meant for reading. I had typed them purely as a way to express the mish mash of things that were happening. It wasn’t so much a reflection of my personal journey but an explination of the things I knew in a time period where I knew very little.

This post was written during a time period of waiting. I had just started dating Hubs and things were going exceedingly well for a serial heartbreaker like myself and I had just quit my job at the cocktail place and was awaiting a new opportunity. In addition, my application to Uni was held up by red tape and my life ambitions were doing that strange pre-shatter waver. I didn’t know much. But this is what I did know:

Instant Gratification August 30th 2007

This morning on my way for my morning cup of coffee I noticed an open box of Lindt chocolate. I have never been one to pass up an unattended open box of chocolates- so I took a tiny little sliver of this seemingly decadent rich chocolate and popped it in my watering mouth. To my surprise my expectant taste buds were met not with a smooth sensual ‘party in the mouth’ but a powdery, thick, chalky and overall disgusting sensation of pure unsweetened cocoa. Since it dissolved so quickly, I had to experience this feeling of dirt crammed down my oesophagus. I marched into the room of the owner of the chocolate and demanded an explanation…

I like my chocolate to be instantaneously gratifying. I don’t care about the health benefits of that disgusting chocolate, nor does it matter that its what all those skinny people in France enjoy. No, I want to shove it into my mouth and have it taste good now.

I never liked Target stores for one reason. When you wanted to return an item, the customer care system involved taking a number. I HATE TAKING NUMBERS! I would rather stand in a line and wait with the others in full view of how much longer I have. Maybe its the logic of the insane, but since I can see the woman with her cart stuffed with things to return and the man with only a blender to take back, I can somehow prepare myself for the wait. But if you tell me to take a number and to take a seat I somehow can’t tell how long I must wait. I can’t nudge the slowpoke to take the next teller. I must just be patient.

Telling me to be patient rips my insides like vulture ripping open its prey. It hurts. Because I am working on it. I try breathing. I try focusing on something else. I try to practice my ’stop him with a single glance’ smile. But I like instant gratification too much if I am perfectly honest and so I’ll lose the patience I once claimed…

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Entry filed under: Touching Joy. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

My Memorial Post. (You all know you wanna do it too) Not all who wonder are wanderers.

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