Archive for September, 2007

Preserving Emotions and Chaos

Yes, even I, hold corny love songs near and dear to my heart in effort to preserve the emotions and chaos that love can bring. This is the song I hold for my boyfriend. Lame I know, but I like it never the less.

You’re all I Have
SnowPatrol

Strain this chaos turn it into light
I’ve got to see you one last night
Before the lions take their share
Leave us in pieces, scattered everywhere

Just give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto

It’s so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have
It’s so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have

You’re cinematic razor sharp
A welcome arrow through the heart
Under your skin feels like home
Electric shocks on aching bones

Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto

It’s so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have
It’s so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear cos you are all that I have

There is a darkness deep in you
A frightening magic I cling to

Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Give me a chance to hold on
Just give me something to hold onto

It’s so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear now you are all that I have
It’s so clear now that you are all that I have
I have no fear now you are all that I have

September 11, 2007 at 7:54 pm Leave a comment

Letting go

Today I decided to be constructive. I pulled out my paints, some brushes and a glass of water and decided I was going to paint a gift for my sweetie. Unfortunately, I am too broke to afford a new canvas. So, being the resourceful woman that I am, I pulled out one that I had started and abandoned months ago. It was a dark depressing self portrait of a girl with snarled hair and blood red lips by the sea. I smiled as I realised that I am no longer ‘the girl with the empty eyes’ and decided to paint over her.

How I wish I could paint over certain conversations I’ve had recently. She has been peeking through the curtian I shoved her behind. And thats scary. But as I painted over her- I somehow felt a few more shackles fall from my ankles. It renewed my faith that in time I will be able to dance without ceasing… Oh how excited I am for the time when she will be nothing more than a subtle scar in my memory.

September 11, 2007 at 3:09 pm 1 comment

Documenting the Past….

I am currently making a scrapbook of all my junk. I am a compulsive keeper of papers and greeting cards starting back from when I was in the 3rd grade. I’ve got ‘love letters’ from high-school crushes, notes of concern and encouragement from my parents, and the random eccentric drawings that my mates drew me while we were supposed to be studying. The intrigue behind the actual objects of this sentimental collection is actually minimal. My life is pretty ordinary. However, as I read each note, letter and scrap of paper I remember individual stories that I’ve totally forgotten! I’ve realised that my life-stories are insane and I’ve seen how each has salted my personal life view. It’s so refreshing to go back to the centre of your beliefs and re-capture the behind a new discovery or the pain inside teenage heartbreak. I can’t wait to show off my new scrapbook to all those I love and share with them the enthusiasm and those ridiculous stories about my crazy neighbors!!!

September 5, 2007 at 5:56 pm Leave a comment

Focussing

It scares me sometimes to go inside my brain and see what I’ve left unattended. I see some emotional monsters ten feet tall. All those strange emotions that many would see a therapist for while I bash around my house. I am so tired of growing pains. I am so tired of my situation right now. I am so sickeningly happy- then just so sick and tired. But focused, I shall stay. On moving forward. On not looking back. And on all those empty spaces in my mind where certain monsters have left vacancies.

September 3, 2007 at 5:12 pm 1 comment